Confessions of a Romance Writer 8

Have you ever thought about those voyeuristic questions that are found right under social network feeds?


I go into my email and there is the question, “What are you doing right now?” And then there is the standard “Tell me what’s on your mind.” It kind of reminds me of a phone call I got once. A very sultry voice asked me, “What are you wearing?” To that I replied, Dominick, is that you?



There are just some things in this lifetime that I was not cut out to deal with, and anything that has to do with a computer or the internet falls right into that category. But, life is a bitch, and I have five websites sooooo dealing with the cyber-world is a necessity. I have contemplated finding a time machine and returning to the stone age. Life was so simple back then. One didn’t have to get pissed off when there was a power outage and all of one’s work was just lost. After all, how often did a campfire go out from a gust of wind. These days one good gust and the pole sways, the transformer blows and instant darkness. Of coarse, this only happens when there’s not one damn candle in the house. If I had a stockpile, I wouldn’t feel the slightest breeze.



Another thing I just can’t seem to get a grip on are those games on Facebook and MySpace. Oh, I have tried. But I just end up with dead crops, starving fish, and my cat Ipswitch has fleas. I try to be a good neighbor and return all the gift requests but there are so many that I have received the game won’t let me receive anymore, until I deal with the ones I have. Only I can’t figure out how to open them, let alone find them. They are somewhere in that cyber world waiting in a great big pile yearning for my attention. They better not hold their breath. All I can say to all my friends is…. I’ll send you gifts PLEASE don’t send me any. I promise I won’t forget you! But please, don’t offended. I can’t seem to load pictures onto my laptop either. Simple mundane tasks are just beyond me. I have Photo Shop but can’t seem to figure out how it works. So, pictures are very rare in our family and if by chance you get one from me treasure it.



So, I decided to take the plunge and join Plenty-O- F---, you get it right? Filling out the first part of the registration was no problem. I can spell my name and I do remember my address. Then I got to the description part. You know, the about me block. The tell us all your deepest desires in a mate part. Mine is simple… male. The instructions say list all of your attributes and interests, the more the better the chance is of receiving replies. And that got me thinking about all the things I shouldn’t put in my description such as:



I have two left feet, when I was a little girl I went to dancing school. Whenever the music would start the instructor would walk over to me and sit me back down. It was that, or a pile of little girls in tutu’s in the middle of the dance floor.



I’m not that great in sports. If you throw a ball at me, chances are I will close my eyes and the ball will be lost forever.



If I’m reading I can’t hear you. You can be standing right over me banging on a drum and you will not get a response. Everybody knows this, so why do they still get mad at me?



I am not listening to everyone’s conversation. In fact, most of the time I am not very interested in what other people have to say. So, I can’t understand why my family gets annoyed when I say the two most used words in my vocabulary. What? Who?



My kids call me book smart and street stupid. ?????????????



So I talk to the turtle.



No, I do not believe in little green men. Yes, I do believe in ghosts.



And when all is said and done, if you are angry with me don’t be surprised if I’m smiling.



Now What should I write in my description?

confessions of a romance writer 6

So, I have decided to become a cougar. The problem is that the male population of East Tennessee doesn’t agree with me. So, I guess I’ll just have to depend on Karma and the dating service. I have also decided to make an effort to go out more, be seen, mingle and be more outgoing. At least it sounds good in theory. With that in mind, tonight I’m going to midnight bowling (wanna take bets how long it takes me to fall on my ass!). I know that it’s suppose to be family night, but there must be some single men there. That’s why I bought a new outfit, and it’s not all black…. it’s black and white. I don’t just wear black. I wear grey, and brown too! But I’m beginning to receive a lot of flack from the minions. That’s why I added white to my wardrobe.




So, I’m all ready for my big night out. Going bowling. Going gorgeous. Going black and white. Going to get noticed. Going to get a man. Going to get sick! The other day I spent hours in the beauty parlor getting my hair and nails done. Then, I invested in new make up (Age defying make up my ass, I just got a minute older!). This is getting expensive! Now bowling, I even have to rent shoes! Plus the cost of my new duds! I’m not settling for anyone less than Prince Charming.



My son got a love letter the other day. It was from a girl he knew in high school. He hadn’t a clue who she was. At first he was flattered and then he was worried and then he got curious. It became his life’s goal to find out who this girl was. She told him she thought he was sexy and that she even had a tattoo that he inspired her to get. She wrote that she was ready to fry like bacon. Ok, I’m not going to go there. I wonder if I should be ready too! Never mind. My son has become an amateur Sherlock Holmes. He showed real initiative finding out all the info he could find about this girl. So, now my son will get more action than me. What else is new. So tonight is my night, gonna do a little scoping, a little smiling, and a lot of flirting.



We got to the bowling alley late. The first indication that my expectations were way too high was the empty parking lot. But ,I’m a firm believer of carpooling. So I wasn’t discouraged. The huge sign that hung over the doorway was encouraging. Moonlight Bowling! Beer served. That’s enough for me! The first bad sign was when we opened the door there was no music. Then the next sound I heard was that of a bowling ball striking pins. Two lanes occupied on each end and all the others empty! Greeneville, Tennessee is a city of Amazons don’t let anyone tell you different. There was not one man there. Except for the guy behind the counter. Oh well, let’s bowl!



Now let me remind you it took six weeks to write Stolen Moments, it took another three months of constant social networking and working with the publisher to get the book published. That’s almost six months of constantly sitting down and exercising only my fingers. I’m out of shape! Although none of this occurred to me as I approached the line, and let go of my first ball. Then it happened, every muscle that had laid dormant for the last half of a year screamed in agony. If I lift my shoulder my hip hurts. If I move too fast my head hurts, if I take a forward step my butt hurts. I don’t think there is one part of my body is that isn’t calling me a fool right now. But I persevered I bowled until three in the morning. A feat that has me surprised and proud at the same time. Well I didn’t come home alone. I brought with me every ache and pain of a well deserved night out. And you know what? I had fun, I laughed and enjoyed my friends company and without a man in sight. Maybe finding a man is too overrated.



Oh to hell with it, I start looking again tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

CONFESSIONS OF A ROMANCE WRITER 5

So, remind me again why I’m not supposed to go shopping with my daughter Jessica, especially when she wears spandex! Oh, that’s right, she’s drop dead gorgeous and twenty years younger!. I really shouldn’t be so surprised, after all, Jessica has been known to cause traffic accidents. I created a monster. The whole time she was growing up, I would ask her “Whose gorgeous?” She would look up at me with her ebony eyes and say “Me!” Then she’d melt your heart with her perfect smile. Yes, Jessie grew up knowing she was beautiful and she used it to her advantage. There were two certain things in our old neighborhood, the first was, that there was not a boy for miles that didn’t want to go out with Jessica, and she had a certain notoriety in the surrounding neighborhoods. Mind you, it was not an easy feat to become Jessie’s beau. She was given a nick name that stuck pretty much throughout her life. When the boys saw her coming, they would look at each other and say “Cha-Ching!” You got it, high matinance. That’s why I nearly fell to the floor when she married for love. Not that she doesn’t try to squeeze in some frivolous purchases now and then, but the finances are just not there. She has four growing boys. That’s when she turns to dear old mom to get that cute little outfit, or that new pair of shoes. But I don’t mind, she wears them well. Although Jessica, can make a dollar store ensemble look like it just stepped off a runway, she usually sticks to Walmart.


We had some running around to do and the weather is getting pretty hot here, so the first stop is for cold drinks. As we stood on line a rather good looking man my age walks over and gives me a sauntering sexy smile. Well maybe the day will turn out good after all. Jessica had stepped away and when she returned he looked at her and said “Are you two sisters?” Oh dear Goddess! I’ve heard that before. All it took was one small smile, and any chance I had was blown clear out the front door. “Oh,” she said sweetly, ‘that’s not my sister, that’s my mother, she’s not married, are you married?” As his eyes were glued to her he said “You have a very pretty mother.” just with whom was he trying to score brownie points? By now it was obvious there was no turning back, Jessica had won him over, she had the right intentions but, once again, I struck out. This is getting to be a habit.



I fair far much better when she’s not around, at least I have a fighting chance. I can hold my own ground. And since I put my picture on the dating website, I have a renewed faith in myself. I have gotten some pretty interesting offers, and some that I deleted immediately! I get a wide range of suitors from farmers to educators and everything in between. I had been communicating with a rather good looking engineer. He was just full of compliments, this was turning out to be a wonderful evening. He looked at me and said “You have beautiful eyes.” (not bad). The he said, “I’m the romantic type, I just love to cuddle.” (oh boy!)

Then he gazed into my eyes and said, “You know, you have just met the love of your life.” (alright I know it’s a line, but, KEEP THEM COMING!). This one shows promise. Then he preceded to tell me about the four other women he’s dating! I make #5.… JERK! …I knew it was too good to be true. I forgot to ask him if he was Mormon.



I’m not giving up! There is a man out there for me, I just know it! I just have to keep looking, and not go shopping with Jessica! You can purchase Stolen Moments at http://www.xlibris.com/JanusGangi.htm

CONFESSIONS OF A ROMANCE WRITER 4

Let's face it, modern technology can catch even the most savvy of us off guard. Here I am typing and writing away when I get an email to join someone on messenger. OK, not bad I'll chat for a while I have been working all day, and I can use some human contact. Mind you, I look rough, big glasses (I'm blind without them!) I have been babysitting, so fashion has not been my main concern, besides the good thing about chatting is you can do it in your PJ's and no one will ever know. Wrong! This great big box appears on the screen and before I can duck there is a web cam with a man staring at me! Oh Great Goddess! I look like hell, well there goes this one! I contemplated hitting the deck, but just as I was about to disappear I heard his voice! He not only could see me in all my grunge, he could hear me too! There is something just so wrong about that. All the mystery is gone. How is a woman suppose to create a mystique if a guy can see her with her hair sticking up and giant glasses.



I take great pride in my appearance before I leave the house. Only my closest neighbors have ever seen me in my everyday casual grunge. Reentering the dating scene was not a decision I took lightly. I had to consciously plan on increasing my wardrobe, my cosmetic supplies and get a hold of the nearest Avon rep and get more wrinkle reducer! My computer doesn't complain when my lipstick wears out or I scratch my butt, but there is a certain air that must be maintained if one is to land the perfect catch!

My computer doesn't care if my clothes don't match or if I don't have any makeup on. At least that was the way it used to be. But now it's a whole new ball game. Now I'm going to have to drag myself into then bathroom early in the morning (I'm not a morning person) and put on my face. Who knows when that damn messenger will go off! This is intimidating!



I remember taking my time getting ready for a date. Poring over my wardrobe, parading before the mirror and experimenting with every shade of lipstick until just the right shade was found. My grand entrance into the living room was nothing short of military precision. A certain ahhh value made the night more successful. But how much of an ahh value do you get when you look like you just cleaned the bathroom? But it's my own fault for not being more computer literate. I didn't even know there was a damn camera on my computer to begin with, yet alone, know I was having a guest this late at night. Surprise!!! The days of scratching my butt is over or is it? I guess I can just decline the next time that little buzzer goes off on the messenger! Now before I go and post this, I better go fix my makeup!