Confessions of a Romance Writer 8

Have you ever thought about those voyeuristic questions that are found right under social network feeds?


I go into my email and there is the question, “What are you doing right now?” And then there is the standard “Tell me what’s on your mind.” It kind of reminds me of a phone call I got once. A very sultry voice asked me, “What are you wearing?” To that I replied, Dominick, is that you?



There are just some things in this lifetime that I was not cut out to deal with, and anything that has to do with a computer or the internet falls right into that category. But, life is a bitch, and I have five websites sooooo dealing with the cyber-world is a necessity. I have contemplated finding a time machine and returning to the stone age. Life was so simple back then. One didn’t have to get pissed off when there was a power outage and all of one’s work was just lost. After all, how often did a campfire go out from a gust of wind. These days one good gust and the pole sways, the transformer blows and instant darkness. Of coarse, this only happens when there’s not one damn candle in the house. If I had a stockpile, I wouldn’t feel the slightest breeze.



Another thing I just can’t seem to get a grip on are those games on Facebook and MySpace. Oh, I have tried. But I just end up with dead crops, starving fish, and my cat Ipswitch has fleas. I try to be a good neighbor and return all the gift requests but there are so many that I have received the game won’t let me receive anymore, until I deal with the ones I have. Only I can’t figure out how to open them, let alone find them. They are somewhere in that cyber world waiting in a great big pile yearning for my attention. They better not hold their breath. All I can say to all my friends is…. I’ll send you gifts PLEASE don’t send me any. I promise I won’t forget you! But please, don’t offended. I can’t seem to load pictures onto my laptop either. Simple mundane tasks are just beyond me. I have Photo Shop but can’t seem to figure out how it works. So, pictures are very rare in our family and if by chance you get one from me treasure it.



So, I decided to take the plunge and join Plenty-O- F---, you get it right? Filling out the first part of the registration was no problem. I can spell my name and I do remember my address. Then I got to the description part. You know, the about me block. The tell us all your deepest desires in a mate part. Mine is simple… male. The instructions say list all of your attributes and interests, the more the better the chance is of receiving replies. And that got me thinking about all the things I shouldn’t put in my description such as:



I have two left feet, when I was a little girl I went to dancing school. Whenever the music would start the instructor would walk over to me and sit me back down. It was that, or a pile of little girls in tutu’s in the middle of the dance floor.



I’m not that great in sports. If you throw a ball at me, chances are I will close my eyes and the ball will be lost forever.



If I’m reading I can’t hear you. You can be standing right over me banging on a drum and you will not get a response. Everybody knows this, so why do they still get mad at me?



I am not listening to everyone’s conversation. In fact, most of the time I am not very interested in what other people have to say. So, I can’t understand why my family gets annoyed when I say the two most used words in my vocabulary. What? Who?



My kids call me book smart and street stupid. ?????????????



So I talk to the turtle.



No, I do not believe in little green men. Yes, I do believe in ghosts.



And when all is said and done, if you are angry with me don’t be surprised if I’m smiling.



Now What should I write in my description?